A MEMBER OF FISHAWACK HEALTH 
In writing a piece to commemorate International Women’s Day 2020, I had a thought-provoking conversation with a couple of inspiring women on my team at StoneArch:
What was my journey like—personally and professionally? What’s changed? What hasn’t? What still needs to be accomplished? Are we all marching toward the same endgame, or does it look different for every generation?
This year’s campaign, #EachforEqual, is focused on creating a gender-equal world where we “collectively challenge stereotypes, fight bias, broaden perceptions, improve situations and celebrate women’s achievement.”
As I think about this campaign and the conversation I had with my colleagues, I feel that in some ways we’ve come so far, and in others (surprise!) we really haven’t.
And as I also think about the fact that my oldest daughter turns 22 this coming month, I can’t help but picture myself at 22—recently graduated and ready to take on the world. 30+ years later, after having spent my career striving towards a truly equitable world, what have I learned?
I’m taking today to reflect on what I wish I could tell my younger self—and my daughters and sons now. On how that path toward equality looks different today than it did when I was starting my career, and how can we support one another along the way.
I took my first job in an industry that was primarily male dominated and was hellbent on showing up as competent, hard-working and smarter (yes, it was somehow a competition in my mind). I didn’t value my co-workers’ experience and certainly didn’t think I had anything to learn from the good ol’ boys.
Looking back, I realize that my male colleagues not only had the advantage of camaraderie and community, but they also saw the value of it.
What I didn’t know then–and I certainly know now, is that I didn’t help myself break into the boys’ club by trying to show them how much smarter I was than they were. I acutally wish I would have given them a bit more credit. They had a lot to teach me—whether positive or negative—but at that point, I simply wasn’t open to being taught.
“Being confident, smart or working hard doesn’t mean you can’t be open to learning from the generations before you. ”
My 20-year-old self would have had a much more enjoyable work experience had she been more accepting and curious–and she would have been welcomed into the club had she been just a bit more humble.
Being confident, smart or working hard doesn’t mean you can’t be open to learning from the generations before you. And indeed, you’ll be more successful for it.
In my 30’s, I learned a lot about “having it all,” through trial and… more trial (I won’t consider any choices to be erroneous). And as I look back, I think this decade was about defining what my “all” looked like.
I made job changes, climbed the ladder, got married, had kids. I worked hard and did a decent job of juggling all the things that came with having it all. But as I look back to that time in life—and look ahead to how my children’s lives might look—I want to be the voice that says “Relax. There really are more important things than work—and work will still be there when you’re done taking care of those more important things.”
Don’t put relationships on hold for work—it never works out. You should stay home when you’re running a 101-degree temperature. And vacation days are meant to be used. Having it all is hard—so be kind to yourself.
In my 40’s, I moved from creative work into the corporate world. I learned what drives me, what I’m truly good at and where my boundaries are as a leader and as a human.
It was also here, at the executive level, that I was reminded of the continued discrepancies in diversity in the decision-making workforce, and how those structures perpetuate that discrepancy. In the decision-making level, there are still too few female role models. In my experience, the few women who did make it to the top had to compromise the values that made them great candidates in the first place—unfortunately, corporate America still doesn’t seem to reward diplomacy, communication, kindness, or empathy.
“Whether that means fighting for a seat at the table—or flipping the table over and starting a new one—your perspective, and that of other women, is invaluable. Don’t trade it for anything. ”
We have an opportunity as women to bring our full selves into the workplace and sit at the leadership table with all of our qualities intact. We were hired for that and we owe it to ourselves, the company and our peers to deliver. And we have an obligation to the next generation to impact the way in which we treat others in the workplace. If you find yourself in a situation where people are rewarded for perpetuating the bullying behaviors of executives, ask yourself what you are there to do and act accordingly. Do not lose your soul to any organization.
This decade of my life wasn’t easy (at times it was downright awful), but I know that it was pivotal for me. Being one of the few women at the table taught me to be tougher, to double down and bring my “femaleness” and point of view to every conversation and every interaction.
I have the absolute pleasure to be back in the marketing agency world leading a team of talented people who want to make the world a better place through the work we do in health marketing. And I know that I have a lot more to learn, so I’ll take a “pass” on talking to myself in my 50’s until I cross into the next decade. But in the meantime, I’d tell her she did a damn good job of being true to herself, working hard and building good, lasting relationships.
Taking this time to reflect on my journey has been interesting. It’s reiterated to me that we all are a collection of all of our experiences and learnings:
I am open to learning different points of view – because the world is constantly changing.
I have a lens to a life that’s well-blended with work, friends, relationships and family–because life is not about only one facet. I am grateful for all of my female friends who have been there with me over the years and for my amazing husband and family who endured me working after dinner and traveling the globe for my career.
I am fearless and fully comfortable with who I am–because loving yourself is the first step toward realizing your full potential. And I’m proud to say that knowing who I am–and being super comfortable in it–brings me joy.
So now as I celebrate International Women’s Day 2020, I applaud the women before me who paved the way for equality not just in the workforce, but in every facet of life. I have enormous gratitude for the women of my generation, and I’m watching with wonder as the next generation challenges us all to impact and drive change toward creating gender equality. #EachforEqual